BRUCE: DON'T GO!!
Asbury Park, March 18, 1999
When tickets went on sale and I was unable to get any, I should have taken
it as a sign. When a friend offered me his extra, maybe I should have
declined. And when my flight to Newark was cancelled, I definitely
should have concluded that this was not a good idea. After all, what
could Bruce Springsteen prove by playing a short rehearsal show of mostly
oldies? What could he do to make hours of dialing, waiting, flying and
Asbury Park winds worth it?
Last night I got my answer, and I'm so sad to report, it is: Not much.
No, not much at all. You had fears about this tour? I had fears? All
realized. But, first things first. The setlist, which I managed to write
down after defrosing my fingers, was:
Prove It All Night/Two Hearts/Darkness on the Edge of Town/My Love Will Not
Let You Down/Factory/The River/Youngstown/Badlands/Out in the Street/Tenth
Avenue Feeze-Out/Tougher than the Rest/Sprit In the Night/The Ghost of Tom
Joad/The Promised Land/She's the One/Backstreets/Light of Day/Born to Run/
Bobby Jean/Streets of Philadelphia/Thunder Road/If I Should Fall Behind/
Land of Hope and Dreams
So, you may ask: Why exactly are you sad?
So, in no particular order, here goes:
- The venue. What's the deal playing in a little gym? Not enough people!
No one should be that close to the band when they play!
- Security. I miss getting frisked!
- Beer lines. Too long.
- Souvenirs. Too expensive.
- Tickets. Much too expensive.
- The opening number. Just what in hell was Bruce thinking by opening
with "Prove It All Night"? Doesn't he know that we're all older and have
families and can't do that anymore?
- Bruce's voice. Gone. Rest in Peace.
- Passion. Needs more.
- The hits. Where were the hits? The man has twelve top ten hits, and
the only one he plays in the one he recorded without the E Street Band???
Where was "Dancing in the Dark"? Or "Glory Days"? Huh?
- Born in the USA. One song? ONE song? Sheesh.
- The setlist. What's the deal? This looks like a River tour setlist.
Who wants that kind of setlist again?
- The stage. Too crowded. Not enough room for three lead guitarists.
And they're all so short. Can't he find someone taller?
- The dancing. What's with this hand-on-hip strut thing? Does he really
think that everyone will form a line?
- No flying goobers. No show is complete without at least one massive
nose wipe. WHERE THE HELL WAS IT???
- The audience's voice. Two thousand people can't do any better than that
on "Badlands"???
- The drummer. Just who the hell is that guy, anyway? And what's he
doing following average fans to distant restaurants after the show?
- The scarf. Steve's. Take it off! Put on Sylvio's wig!! And stop
sharing the mike with Bruce. I can't imagine anyone wanting that!
- Clarence. We've known for a long time that, as a saxophone player, he
really blows, if 'ya know what I mean. Now we have to find out he sings
like... like... oh, you don't want to know.
- Instruments. Accordian? Double bass? Mandolin? I'm confused!
- Youngstown. Fiery furnaces of hell. I got the idea. Now cut it out.
- Factory. Factory? In an set list? Who's he kidding?
- Backstreets. Oh, jeez, we gotta be subjected to "Backstreets" again.
- If I Should Fall Behind. Did anyone actually fall for this shtick?
- Land of Hope and Dreams. A new song??? Why?!? And can't Bruce even
write his own lyrics anymore? I gotta go listen to Sister Rosetta Tharpe
and cleanse myself now.
- Rosalita. How could he not send us home with it??????
So, folks, don't do what I did. Don't do that day trip thing to wherever
Bruce is playing. Don't grovel for tickets. Don't wait for ticket drops.
Wait a couple of days before buying your tickets. It sucked, man, it
sucked. So, don't go. You don't want to be subjected to anything like
this ever again.
If you do want it, take it as a sign. It's not a good idea. You'll be
down-hearted and disappointed and discomboobulated. And you'll want to do
it again. And again.
- --Matt
The Orel Family
Email: matt@orel.ws
URL: http://matt.orel.ws/